Our intrepid sibling website XBIZ.com has a business-to-business convention coming up next week in Las Vegas, and as a part of it, they'll be holding the inaugural Miss XBIZ pageant.

Sadly, yours truly is not a judge, or else I'd have to hold private, in-depth meetings with the lovely nominees: Joanna Angel, Bree Olson, Penny Flame, Renee Perez, Nikki Jayne, Alyssah Simone, Kayden Kross, Puma Swede, Sunny Lane, Trisha Uptown and Moxxie Maddron.

That said, one of the nominees, the perky, slightly bonkers and naturally busty Penny Flame has issued a challenge to her fellow nominees, as well as just about everybody, it seems:

Penny Flame has issued a challenge: “To all you wannabe bitches and pornwhores, I am issuing a challenge. I am challenging you to find a better, badder, bitch than your own Penny Flame. I know my competition. In fact, I’ve fucked most of them, the five best (you know I licked you cross-eyed bitch), and goddammit, I prefer to fuck myself all day. And I do. And I’m awesome. So bitches, bring your game face, not that cum-covered Vegas lounge-lizard face you are planning on packing. If I don’t beat your ass at the pool, at the Miss XBIZ competition, I most certainly will in my hotel room after. This is where I will be bringing you all. Ha.

I am also bringing my Sybian to prove my masturbatory skills, and I dare one of you to ride longer than I, the flamingest masturbating whore of all. In the words of my personal trainer Just Dave and nutritionist Rick Shamless, "Be proud of what you are – whores."

Not only am I challenging you to the ultimate duel in the Miss XBIZ competition, but also I am throwing down the gauntlet to take on me and my awesome ho killing team in the boat races. If you don’t know what that shit is, you don’t deserve to. Ha again.

Team Flame Spiritual Advisor Airek has this to say about me: “Penny Flame epitomizes surreal being and carnal enjoyment, this girl knows what life’s all about. She lives for the supreme existence of her inner pot brownie cravings. If you look up primal exuberance in the dictionary you will see a picture of Penny Flame. I think its only fitting that she carries the scepter for an event so enthralled in decadence and debauchery. I am proud to the spiritual advisor for Team Flame.”

Due to the confrontational nature of this press release/challenge, I will not answer my phone until the show. Not only will we refuse to answer my phone, we will also not acknowledge or entertain any counter challenges, because we are obviously the coolest people on earth – and maybe Mars. I am the XBIZ princess of all of your motherfucking dreams.

I'm not sure if she wants the rest of the nominees to join her in a Sybian competition or what, but whatever the case, I like Flame's style. Loyal XFANZ readers may remember her two philosophical rants. And in case you don't, well, here's a really hot picture of her.